Kind of a weird and maybe slightly concerning title, right? Well there’s nothing to be concerned about here…I promise. It may sound sad to say aloud but I’ve come to a realization recently and that’s that I don’t have friends. Well that’s a lie, I have a handful of friends but I don’t have like frieeeeeends, you know? Some people have a friend here and a friend there, and a friend who does this and a friend who does that. Not this girl. I don’t really have all that and I’m totally okay with it. I’m going to tell you why. 

When I was growing up, I thought that what it meant to have friends was based on how many friends you had. Quantity was what mattered to me. If I only hung out with two people then I didn’t have friends. But if I hung out with twenty people, then I for sure had friends. I felt this dire need to have a massive group of people in my life, and if I didn’t have that… Well then who was I? Definitely not someone who is friend-worthy, that’s for sure. I think high school instills this mentality in a lot of people unfortunately. 

Flash forward to my mid-twenties, I noticed myself disconnecting with more and more people. People who were my “friends”… What was happening to me? And it was weird because it wasn’t like something had happened necessarily… people were just growing up and moving on, myself included. I remember being sad at the time and not really understanding these shifts that were happening in my life. I no longer had plans every single weekend, or was constantly on my phone texting people to make those plans. It was a weird adjustment and I was kind of lost for a little while to be honest. I didn’t know what was happening to me. I kept asking myself, “what did I do?”. 

Now in my late-twenties (almost 30!), I have even less people in my life than I did then. Weird? Maybe to some. To me, I’m actually happier than I’ve ever been when it comes to my social life. I’m also less lonely which seems backwards but it’s true. I now have people in my life that are true FRIENDS. Not just people to fill up my weekends or make me go over on my allotted text messages for the month (remember those days?). Instead I have people I care deeply about and people that care deeply about me. It’s a really good feeling. Something a younger me would have never known she would appreciate.  

The harsh reality is that friendships are time consuming, well… I mean all relationships are. When you have dozens and dozens of friends you have to catch up with or go for dinner with, it’s a lotttttt. Maybe I’m just more selfish now than I was back then but my time is precious and I only want to spend it with people who fulfill me and make me happy. People that support me and I support them. For me, I’m more fulfilled with my handful of good friends than I ever was back then with my crew of people. I think I always liked the idea of having a big friend group to do things with and sometimes I still like that vision. However, it’s just not me anymore. I’ve outgrown it, and that’s okay. 

I remember my parents always telling me when I was younger that as I get older I may lose friends similar to how they did when they were growing up. I can now say I get it. I didn’t get it then, but I get it now. I have some very solid friends and family in my life that ground me and make me feel special every single day. I compare it to watering plants – I choose to water several of my favourite plants and grow them as big and as healthy as I possibly can, versus attempting to water the big garden full of little seedlings. 

This isn’t me saying I have filled my friend quota for life and I’m not accepting anymore friends ever again because that’s just silly. I’m also not saying that if you have a big group of friends that you can’t be equally as happy, because I’m sure you can be. I’m just saying that if you’re like me, it’s okay to not have a million friends. It doesn’t make you uncool, or a loner, or lame like I used to believe. I think it just allows you to invest more energy, time, and love into the people that matter most to you. And to me, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, it’s pretty fucking cool! 

To my best friends & family 🤍 you know who you are. I love you xx 

Until next time…

Peace & love!

TL